Alone feat Rafael Solano
by drgreyshepherd
Summary: Rafael's POV when Jane and Michael go to Montana


Ok so first of all? Jane The Virgin is the Best. Freaking. Show. Ever. Everything about it is amazing. If you think otherwise, fuck off and don't bother reading ahead. I'm kidding! (so sorry I need readers!!)

Anyway, let me start by saying that I'm Team Jane, and I completely 100% agree with anything and everything that Jennie Snyder Urban (also known as GODDESS) did with the characters. And season 5 is.. It's everything. And clearly, I'm obsessed.

So I was re-watching season 5, (because, why not?) and everything that happens is just so heartbreaking, and then heartwarming, and ughh losing focus here. Anyway, in the first few episodes I just felt soooooo daaamn much for Rafael (my sweet, hot, poor baby ) and decided to voice his feelings. So, (IMPORTANT PART) This is (probably) a ONE-SHOT about the time Jane and Michael go to Montana and Raf's all alone, with his kids.

_THUD_.

Rafael was awakened from his train of thought by a sound coming from the kids' bedroom. He flung over his blue quilt, and pulled up his pants to conclude what he was doing, what his therapist had suggested he try to take his mind off of..

"Daddy! Mateo fell down from his bed _again_!" Raf heard one of the twins yell. Petra's schedule had changed last minute, and she'd asked him to keep the girls overnight. He hated admitting it, but neither he nor Petra could still differentiate between twins' voices, so he couldn't tell which one it was. Either way, Mateo had been falling off the bed a lot lately, so Raf made him sleep on the lower bunk while Ellie and Anna shared the top. But then he fell off the lower bunk too. Rafael rushed to his children's bedroom to find Mateo half asleep, pushing away the pillows Raf had kept beside his mattress and trying to find his way back to the bed.

"Come here buddy, I've got you", he said as he picked up his son. "He's alright girls, go back to sleep ok? Anna, you can take the bottom bunk if you want."

"Nope. Good night daddy", Anna said, as she climbed back into bed with Ellie. The twins were always inseparable, so there was no point telling her otherwise. Raf loved that about his daughters. It made him feel better to know that they'd always have each other, no matter what. Even Mateo would, but not like that. Which led him to thinking about that night. When he and.. Jane discussed having another baby. Of course being a father of three, he wasn't really into the idea, but he'd have done it for Jane. The thought of sharing another beautiful child with her was so exciting to him, _then_. He'd have done anything for her, _then_. But now?

As he carried Mateo to his own bedroom, the bedroom he previously shared with Jane, he started thinking, again. Despite the advice of his therapist, he always ended up, at least once a day, lost in that same train of thought, about _her_. Where they'd be, if last week never happened. If Michael didn't show up. If he never regained his memories. And if Jane didn't.. Leave him. And choose Michael. _Again_.

It was this very train of thought that sent Raf to his dark place, the place Dr. Mendes had told him to avoid. It was a place where he felt lost, abandoned by those closest to him, forsaken by the ones he loved most. First his birth parents, then Elena, Emilio, and then Jane.. Twice. It hurt him so much to even think about her, but he couldn't stop himself from going there. Alba had called a few hours ago to give him their number in Montana, where Jane had left with Michael... He hated it. In that moment he had hated Michael with every fibre of his being..and he had hated Jane for going away with him. For leaving him alone, devastated. And then he hated himself for even thinking about hating her because.. Well, how could he? For seven years, his existence has revolved around her, the Villanuevas. He'd been there for Jane and her entire family, and they'd been there for him. And his relationship with Jane had evolved into the most beautiful romance in the last year, with no pressures or secrets or expectations, and they were supposed to be _together. He was supposed to be engaged to her and they were supposed to be planning their wedding. It wasn't fair. None of it was fair_.

"Thanks for letting me sleep in your and mommy's bed daddy", Mateo said softly to Rafael, snatching him out of his thoughts. Mateo. Their beautiful son, who was soon going to turn 7. Dr. Mendes assured him that Mateo would be fine, that he was too young to be affected too much by what was going on, but Raf had to be strong for him. He couldn't break down in front of his kids, not after Petra told him that they saw him take the pills. He had to put up a brave front, no matter how he felt inside. No matter how broken he felt inside.


End file.
